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Was working with a new therapist tonight. They were doom scrolling (TikTok/insta) while they were by all professional and cultural standards, supposed to be deeply engaged. I realised this, while looking into their eyes, deeply engaged with them, seeing their reflection very clearly in their glasses. I had to stare for a bit to be sure. To ready myself for the awkwardness. We gracefully confronted the issue. Relationship over as it was blossoming. Align work & life? Hard. Body & mind fit for black diamonds? Damn hard. Trying to do both, where full presence comes for free.

Destroyed love again. Pushed so hard, rode the edge and caught a lip. Bite down hard with no mouth guard and let it bleed. Like Judas, twice betrayer today. Scared on the hill, cowering in panic, of who knows what. But you were there to pull me up. Punched your fist through the sludge that we tried to bury. That’s my girl. Don’t dwell on my mistakes. My complaining, mansplaining, thinking I’ve done it all, do it all and I can barely put together a coherent story. The recipe for the good life. Ride the ledge, catch the lip and turn it upward. Grimpons babe.

Go to bed? No thank you!

Yo, reader. That last one is about desperately wanting to live in the moment so I can feel your love and love you the most. ;)

Doubt. Heart stunted, cold meaning. Maybe a line in the story buried. No. Fingers slur for words that matter. Give the spark oh gods, never squander. Share with dulled diamonds, I will. I swear it on the foundation. Training ground for immortal swings. Not for stars, but here. Bury feet deep where I stand, or tempt fate to forsake our cosmos. Build a fortress defending my eyes. Burn lies, start new. Linger in this only garden, hearing grass sway to our slow dance. When it’s over and time, my feet and earth one. Fertile ground, our precious garden, swell a stairway to the stars. I’ll be waiting for you.

Only powder feet on the mountain today. Alone, sole survivor of comfort. Somewhere out there you fight furiously lonesome, too. My heart is with you. Thinking of you as I wring the words out my stale soul. But here again, standing toe to toe with the heights, overlooking all journeys possible at once. Top of the run, tip of my heart, freshly beat for you. This is for you. Yes you. You dreamer, still believer. Crying, trying, still showing up to fight for your own. Your stillness, your peace, your completeness. Here for your fall, and the rise. You mother, you father, you brother & sister, you daughter, you son (in-law), you colleague, you dear friend. You will rise. From the mountain. For a moment, I see all the journeys. I see you. Rise.

A word without a note as companion. Without a melody to shore up a welling inside. Just want to rouse my spirit to magnetize our moment. Juice all the rays dripping on skin. Wash all the electric air into our ears. Sweet things bristle into sensors we earned with sweat and tears on the mountain. This life has everything ready for us. We just have to step out the door and sing. Hear oh life, it is I! Beaming your joy without expectation of return because you have already given me everything. “Will you always protect me?” It was asked. You will be rich. You will be full. You will share our fire and never be lost. Here my love, it is I.

Damn. Today red meat in the upper feels hollow. Wish I could peel the sludge back and zap it back into motion. Mondays, restarts. Context shifting, babies go their ways and we dive in. Clicky clackity. It’s all so important. Just when I get tired, you reach out. You spark me. Not hollow because of lack of purpose, or gratitude. Just dead weight of the old skinning forth for new. Now, to see you soon my love.

I see you glorious. You’re laughing with your brothers and yours. Twenty years apart, bound by soothing whispers, more careless days than worries. Leaps of joy into unknown because we can. Not afraid of where, because a thousand times land into arms untaxed. Late night talks to understand what I couldn’t. Connecting, sharing. You’ll show them deep long after I’m gone. I know, believe me it’s beautiful. Always see you smiling, my Josie.

Full life, mind prickling at the seams. Ever ready to record, always missing the mark. Bashful to face the lens. There it is, those eyes. Won't lose focus again. Your blurry smile whipping sideways, I see it in my frame. Yosemite. Your slow motion fall off smirk. Beach baby. Find the uncomfortable, bring you along, and we will create. MoMa rain. Red carpet, old carpet, Pamela or Oxford. Doesn't matter. It's always opening night as I draw you into arms. On stage premiering our little life. Our life again and again. The best story I'll ever be. Before fade to black, lights off, and tally dim. We roll baby. Let's roll.